Dear 2009,

You've been quite interesting this year, throwing an equal amount of bad things as good things, leaving me somewhat blindsided. But in retrospect, you brought me some of the best things that will hopefully stay with me for a long long time: Friendship.

A lot of people see Friendship as that less hyped-up, more stable, uglier sibling in the family next to its sister, Love...but you really shined your light on it this year, and you showed me how underrated and truly amazing it is.

Okay, I'll stop with greeting-card like messages and cut to the point:

2009, you have taught me the feeling to have loved and lost; how to cry my eyes out for people who aren't worth it and to stay strong for people who are; how to run out of breath whilst laughing; that sometimes I need to just live a little bit more and think a little bit less; to let go and heal; that there will be times where all my efforts go to waste; that I'm not as bulletproof as I thought; that there's still room for change; and most importantly, to love wholly and unconditionally, without reason or regret.

And with all of this, I'll be heading into the next decade with some of the finest people I've met yet. But don't you worry, I could never forget you; and with that...


I'll be seeing you,

Deanna

"and you dont need protecting"

the truth is... sometimes, I do.

tis the season

I'm sitting here, food coma-ing after an entire day's worth of cooking with my sister; listening to a mixture of the Glee and Wicked Soundtracks along with Christmas music; and it's never felt less like Christmas than now. All that matters is this feeling of content: wanting this moment of pure satisfaction to last as long as it can. There's no longing for anything... I can't say I want anything out of Christmas, or life in general: I'm just satisfied with things as they are.

And that is a miracle all in itself.

Thanks, Ol' Saint Nick...you really got it right this year.

Welcome back

I'm a control freak, just a little bit. But life just gave me a sign: that even when I don't think things turned out for the best.... Everything happens for a reason. And things fall apart all the time, but those that are truiy supposed to stick were never broken at all... Just stretched out. If you're patient enough, what's supposed to happen will happen.

And that's just out of my control.

You said..

You said we were on different pages, and you were right.
Actually, moving at different paces is more correct.
You flipped and skimmed through them hastily looking for best part,
while I was committed to reading it through and through, and searching for the meanings behind the words in front of me.

I wanted a reason, something solid to hold.
You wanted me without any reason at all. Just me.

You quickly found the best part, and then lost interest.
I was just approaching the best part to find that it was too late.
You were gone.

And all that was left was me and my reasons, but nothing to hold onto.


JK12.15

a rush over me

hold still... and you can feel the world rushing over you.
like the clear, cool water that runs over pebbles.
wish-wash. wish-wash.
washing away, their form--
slowly, but surely.

pieces of me.
you're taking pieces of me with you.
i can feel my bones sifting to your shape,
and it scares me.
it terrifies me.
through and through.

bread butts

Facebook has taken over my life. Big surprise. So, it should not be alarming that it has become a part of my daily routine: Come home, pour my books onto my bed, take off my socks, sit myself down at my laptop, arrive at that familiar blue and white page... and all of the sudden, the world is at my disposal.

Nothing was different tonight, and after logging into my account, I saw a status update that read this:

I use to loathe the end pieces of bread loaves; but as of late, I've been growing quite fond of the them.

Now, I would usually peruse through the rest of them quickly and then promptly head off to bed, but this one got me thinkin'.

What if life... is like a loaf of bread (oh, there she goes talking about food again). Seriously, though. A loaf of homemade bread that has been cut by hand, each slice like a different chapter in your life: A beginning, middle and end; your past, present and future.

When we live in the present, it's hard to think back to our beginnings or to our ends...simply because what's done is past and what's yet to come is unknown. It's pretty difficult to relate to ideas so far from us when we're in the middle of everything. We live our way through the stages and find ourselves moving closer towards the end. There we are at the slice of our life: we momentarily stop, and wonder where the heck the rest of our bread has gone to.

And then we come to the realization that we miss the first end of the loaf. We fully appreciate its purpose due to its absence because sometimes the only way to learn the true value of something, is to lose it.

The upshot is that there's still one more bread butt left.

Enjoy it.