harvest time

this is my prayer in the harvest
when favor and providence flow
i know i'm filled to be emptied again
the seed i've received i will sow.

Happy Birthday, Dad

It's your 60th birthday, and while you'll be receiving a card from me this year with something along the lines of "Happy Birthday and thank you for everything... I love you," those words cannot express what you mean to me. Even if I were to include this in your card, we both know that you have never had an affinity for words. But I do, and this is the only way that I know how to express my feelings...so this is for you.

Sixty years... and I'm ever so grateful that you spent twenty of those years being my father. There are a lot of things that I don't understand. About you, about mom, about myself... But it's okay, Dad. Sometimes, you don't need all the answers and you don't need to know exactly who was right or wrong. All I know is that you're my father. My knowledgeable, hardworking, loving, caring, packrat of a father. And I love you.

I've learned more things from you than you know. And you mean much much much more to me than you'll ever understand in this lifetime. Sometimes it seems like I don't appreciate or I am ignorant of your love for me, but trust me... I know.

One day, we'll be in a place where you and I can express our feelings in the same way.

But until then, "Happy birthday, and thank you for everything... I love you."

inconsistent me crying out for consistency

These days, I've been feeling a little less brave than before. It's always this way, isn't it? It's like I've defaulted into defense mode and I feel it in the corners of my heart. I will be bold. I will be fearless once more. After all, what do I have to fear with You on my side?