Dear 2009,

You've been quite interesting this year, throwing an equal amount of bad things as good things, leaving me somewhat blindsided. But in retrospect, you brought me some of the best things that will hopefully stay with me for a long long time: Friendship.

A lot of people see Friendship as that less hyped-up, more stable, uglier sibling in the family next to its sister, Love...but you really shined your light on it this year, and you showed me how underrated and truly amazing it is.

Okay, I'll stop with greeting-card like messages and cut to the point:

2009, you have taught me the feeling to have loved and lost; how to cry my eyes out for people who aren't worth it and to stay strong for people who are; how to run out of breath whilst laughing; that sometimes I need to just live a little bit more and think a little bit less; to let go and heal; that there will be times where all my efforts go to waste; that I'm not as bulletproof as I thought; that there's still room for change; and most importantly, to love wholly and unconditionally, without reason or regret.

And with all of this, I'll be heading into the next decade with some of the finest people I've met yet. But don't you worry, I could never forget you; and with that...


I'll be seeing you,

Deanna

"and you dont need protecting"

the truth is... sometimes, I do.

tis the season

I'm sitting here, food coma-ing after an entire day's worth of cooking with my sister; listening to a mixture of the Glee and Wicked Soundtracks along with Christmas music; and it's never felt less like Christmas than now. All that matters is this feeling of content: wanting this moment of pure satisfaction to last as long as it can. There's no longing for anything... I can't say I want anything out of Christmas, or life in general: I'm just satisfied with things as they are.

And that is a miracle all in itself.

Thanks, Ol' Saint Nick...you really got it right this year.

Welcome back

I'm a control freak, just a little bit. But life just gave me a sign: that even when I don't think things turned out for the best.... Everything happens for a reason. And things fall apart all the time, but those that are truiy supposed to stick were never broken at all... Just stretched out. If you're patient enough, what's supposed to happen will happen.

And that's just out of my control.

You said..

You said we were on different pages, and you were right.
Actually, moving at different paces is more correct.
You flipped and skimmed through them hastily looking for best part,
while I was committed to reading it through and through, and searching for the meanings behind the words in front of me.

I wanted a reason, something solid to hold.
You wanted me without any reason at all. Just me.

You quickly found the best part, and then lost interest.
I was just approaching the best part to find that it was too late.
You were gone.

And all that was left was me and my reasons, but nothing to hold onto.


JK12.15

a rush over me

hold still... and you can feel the world rushing over you.
like the clear, cool water that runs over pebbles.
wish-wash. wish-wash.
washing away, their form--
slowly, but surely.

pieces of me.
you're taking pieces of me with you.
i can feel my bones sifting to your shape,
and it scares me.
it terrifies me.
through and through.