scrambled eggs and a funeral.

I woke up to the sounds of crying down the hallway at my sister's house in San Diego. What could have gone wrong this early in the day? I stumbled out haphazardly and saw a scene so unexpected that I didn't even know how to react. At the end of the hallway, my niece stood screaming with tears the size of bullets running down her cheeks, looking down at her favorite toy broken with no hope of salvation. It was gone, it was done and it was over. It was the death of the little red and yellow shopping cart. And there she stood near it, mourning its death, crying her little hazel eyes out--only taking breaks for gasps of air. I came over and tried to help heal the pain, try to help her play with something else... tried to help her forget. But she wouldn't take any of it. So my sister and I played the game of statues that morning, wanting to help so badly, but not knowing what to do or how to do it for that matter. So we stood, we watched, and we waited. She looked to us for help: to fix it, to make it better--but there was nothing we could do for it, and that was just the truth.

And it's so sad...but true. Sometimes, as much as you want to fix it, you just can't. As much as you want to make it better, make it the same, make it the way it used to be--you have no control over it. I stood there and watched her pain over her first heartbreak. She stayed there pining over that cart until she reluctantly dragged her way towards comfort: her mother. She clung to my sister's side and cried some more. When suddenly, a flash of quick thought prompted me to look over at the cart, and I knew what I could do for her. The only thing that we can ever do.

I checked to make sure she couldn't see me from where she was sitting, and moved swiftly towards the cart. I picked it up with its broken pieces and set it outside in the corner of the garden. I walked back inside, and could see her glancing down the hallway in search of it. But it was gone. She scanned the room, peeking here and there to see where it was and came to terms with the fact that it had just disappeared.

That was the last time she cried over that cart.

Just like that, we started the day anew with some scrambled eggs. And not once did we mention the cart. Maybe someday, when she's older we can sit and chat about that cart she once loved so much, and laugh. But we all know that time's not now, not yet.

missed it.

honestly, who are the Brits kidding? They really are not known for their efficiency. The bus system seems to have a sort of glitch every other day around 5-6, where the buses just drive by the stops without a care. I sat there yesterday, waiting for the 25 Universities bus to make it's way around. I sat and I waited. I waited and I sat. for one hour of my life. ugh. so after sitting around on my arse for way too long, I decided to get up offa my thang and head to the previous bus stop to see if the stupid red beast would stop there. Impatience at its finest, right here. As I made my way over to that other stop, I saw that red bus heading towards me... not stoppping at that stop, heading towards where I had been for the last hour. Shit. I picked up my bag, and ran with about 20 cuties and a litre of water. Undoubtedly, I missed it. I perked up my head to look at the electronic schedule. 25 Universities... 25 minutes. Damn. Fruitless efforts, once again.

Seems like everything you chase after goes awry. The restlessness of not knowing, it eggs us on to run and to chase. But what are we really chasing in the end? Life really is a test of patience. You wait around for years to pass, who you are, what you'll be, friends, love... death. You chase this and that, never really getting a full grasp or appreciation for it. It's easier said than done: To be able to sit, and wait... to admit that some things are just out of your control, and to live knowing that some things are merely by chance.

I suppose that's the risk we have to take. Take a chance in chance. Sit there, and wait for your bus because chances are that it's just around the corner.

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i was jipped.

opportunity knocks, but it doesn't beg.